We're pillow fighting in our undies while watching pirate porn.

Hahahaha, MonGIRLS night! Yeah, so it's Friday night and Johnny, Cupcake, and I are watching Role Models with candy and Johnny's dog. I can't feel more at home and in my own skin when I'm around them, especially when Mama Johnny is making us food. :] It just feels like... we're always mind fucking eachother! Unfortunately, I had to go home extra early after the movie ended since I've officially lost my voice and started recieving bad cramps. Ooh, today is the exact date I started my first period! Happy period Anniversairy to me. :]

Anyways, this week has just been.. completely under the weather, literally and figuratively. Not only was the sky gloomy and the ground moist, the rest of the world and I have been attacked by viruses and diseases. In the midst of the world's current and greatest pandemic, the N1H1 virus, also known as 'swine flu', there's much to hope for and a lot to be depressed/worried about. I feel as if I've undergone nearly every seasonal sickness in one week. From a cold on Sunday to a fever on Tuesday and a common flu on Thursday, I am now experiencing terrible allergies on this Friday. So yes, this has defineitly not been the brightest week the world or I have experienced. But now I'm at home enjoying some of my favorite lazy past times- laying cozily in my bed, blogging with some orange juice, and of course, watching House.

What I would give for my own Dr. House. Mm, lust.

Attention Crazed

So shortly after my last blog, I experienced my first emotional breakdown. On top of all the stress going for my that night, I realized that I missed the due date to submit my paper into turnitin.com. Fml. So today, I e-mailed my essay to her on schoolloop with an apology letter in hopes that she would except my paper and mistake. But as I was writing my apology, I really just wanted to say, "YOU'RE A FAT BITCH THAT NEEDS A HUSBAND AND A NEW JOB BUT ISN'T DAMN DESERVING ENOUGH FOR IT." Yeah..

Earlier this morning, my mom brought up a conversation that she was having with her friend the other day. So, basically her friend told my mom that she felt as if my mom didn't give me enough attention and time, which was true... when I was a child though. Then I realized, maybe I crave more attention then the average peoples NOW because she didn't give me enough as a child. You would presume that I would've thought about it years ago but I really didn't take it into consideration until now.

Well anyways, I'm going to have a mum's day today. Yay, just us two girls! She's really more of a friend then a mom now, since I've been getting older and she seems to be getting younger. Yeah.. and she's sort of figured out that I drink A LOT which is really unlike her since she drinks about twice a year. That's probably the only thing that's different about us.

To Be Deleted...

You know those nights where you're just like, how am I ever going to be able to get through all of this schoolwork and actually compress all of this knowledge into my brain in such a short amount of time? This is probably top 5 of those nights for me. I can't even think or splatter what I really want to say onto this blog right now. Did that even make sense? I don't know, I haven't been getting much sleep.

Wednesday- essay due, math presentation
Thursday- physics final, math presentation
Friday- physics final, math quiz, english test

A book that I haven't read, a math quiz where I haven't even opened my book all week... I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it was quite a hand full for it all to be compressed in one week. Yeah, yeah, I should have worked on it over the break. I really would've.. if I had known all of it was due this week! NOW, I JUST CAN'T WAIT UNTIL 12:30 TOMORROW. Let loose like Caprisun juice.

What the Hot Weather?

Human beings should not be mandated to wear clothes-- it's preposterous. If anything, we should just sport swimwear all the time... or an extra large shirt with boxers. Comfy! I absolutely loathe wearing bras. It's the most constricting, annoying piece of clothing that I have to wear on a daily basis. Do all girls agree?
*A brassiere (Brit. /'bræzɪə(r)/; U.S. /brə'zir/, commonly referred to as a bra, /brɑː/) is an article of clothing that covers, supports, and elevates the breasts.
I think mine are still young enough to be supported by gravity. If I was daring enough, I would do it.

So, I would expect myself to have some crazy story that took place on 4/20, but I don't. I didn't even step outside of my house after getting home after school. Nope, just went straight to homework until 8. Good job Sugar. :]

The weather is ablaze, I could literally smell summer when I walk past certain regions of my house. Somehow, I could serious smell the humidity of the air, suntan lotion, and chlorine. Hmm, reminds me of last summer which was pretty good, not exceptionally good, but still pretty good. It's not that I had a lot of fun, I was really driven looking at my past blogs. I felt.. responsible.

Best thing at the moment-- warm summer nights. :]


Cousins, cousins, cousins!! <33333

Don

You can go and shoot yourself, I honestly don't care. Get the fuck out of my life and for the bazillionth time, leave my name out of your lips. You've set yourself up for all of this so don't try blaming it on me. We both know that you know what words to use to get me feeling like crap and great fucking timing, right when I found out that I have a physics test on Tuesday and our final this week. I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO TALK TO YOU OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.



Stop it.


P.s.- You should probably start taking Zyprexa.

I'm a mess, I'm a wreck

"I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
I am perfect and I have learned to accept
All my problems and short comings
'Cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept"

If anyone else were in my shoes, I don't think they would be able to live with themselves. Thank goodness I inherited a vast amount of optimism from my parents. I haven't had a night like last night's in a while, pretty damn epic. You think you remembered everything that happened but then Jordan tells you about your train wreck at the party over a bowl of pho. Then when you think you've heard the entire story, he hits you with another, more embarrassing one. *sigh. Gosh, how I love to eat pho with unshowered hair and last night's outfit on. And wtf, I found someone's key in my pocket this morning, along with the usual stains on my shirt and scrapes on my knees. Vodka is a creeeep, but I love him.

The sunshine is gorgeous today. I say that quite often. I love taking strolls in this weather with a slight hangover and my dear pal, Nick. Did you ever notice that the world looks so much prettier when you can only see the sky? Especially with a glimpse of sunshine in the corner of your eyes. Zen.

"I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
I am perfect and I have learned to accept
All my problems and short comings
'Cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept"

Frankie Says Relax

1) Spring break= Allowing myself to drink

2) Beer pong+summer skies+bbq+Mongols= Muchos fun


3) Beer pong+darkness+substituted red cups= Challenge


4) Easter 2009+5 dozen eggs+oysters+soberness= chill fun+excessive amounts of leftover eggs


EHT. (addicting noise that Annie always makes) - I know I said I would dedicate this post to others but I'm still thinking of what to say. Excuse the delay.

A Lack of Colour

Melancholic- disposed to or affected with melancholy

First off, I don't think there's anyone out there who despises empathy-seeking individuals as much as I do but this entire blog will be about me-- complaining.

I've noticed that I never blog when I'm "melancholic". I'm assuming there's a deeper meaning to it-- like I try to suppress my emotions while free-falling into a bottomless pit of hopelessness. I'm completely contradicting my last entry but I've hit the depths of despondency, rock bottom. Sure, I've been receiving glimpses of highs here and there but these past two weeks have just been a series of analogous events with me staying at home and procrastinating like a madman. Bleh, everyone goes through it, some less then others.

Spring Break is right around the corner and I'm not even nearly jumping for joy. This is so abnormal of me but how could I be excited when I'm anticipating to write 3 papers, spend tedious hours copying notes, and strategize my future at a junior college?<<(I've decided not to attend CSULB. It would look a lot better on my transcript to receive a Bachelors from a UC). Anyways, there's nothing to look forward to, unlike my blog a year ago. Plus, this weather is shit and my mood is correlating along with it. Boo. :[

My life has DEFINITELY been lacking luster lately and I mean, big time. You know what word would describe my life right now? Bland-- I effing hate that word so much. I need to spice it up, excitement isn't just going to come out of the sky and pour into my life. Hopefully things will look brighter when I'm off sick duty.

Well this entire blog has been about selfish little me, so I promise to dedicate my next blog to all of those that surround me. By the way, we all need to LIVE.

P.s. I'm getting really sick of disrupting the class with my loud coughs which sound like sneezes. Pardon me.

A Tribulation Obliterated

I haven't seen such a beautiful morning like this in ages. Actually, it was probably last week but my teen years have been filled with so many twists and turns, events and episodes that a week feels like a month. I suppose it was my alcohol withdrawal, prolonged sickness, or lack of sleep that made my week so depressing. I haven't felt that miserable in a really, really long time, probably over 8 months. For the first time, I didn't feel like smiling, laughing, being with friends, or doing any other Sugar! related things.

Not only was I unhappy, I was afraid. Afraid of a lot of things. I woke up from a horrible, pragmatic nightmare in which I gouged my eyes and out and was left permanently blind. Usually nightmares are supposed to provide a sense of relief when the dreamer wakes up, yet, I was still in dismay and grief, as if I were still blind. In addition to my nightmare, I had this huge ache in my chest of having to tell my parents that I was involved in a hit&run accident with them having to pay for the damages. Not only that, I lost my school binder consisting of a whole semester of notes.

Luckily, everything has now blown over and my parents were very understanding about the situation. I still have some things bothering me like tons of homework and my missing binder. BUT overall, I could honestly say that I'm happy. Things go my way too much of the time. :] Either that, or I just really need to snap into reality and learn that everything's "not always rainbows and butterflies". Why does it look that way to me though?

I Need to be Fish Slapped

Where's that determination I once possessed? It's 1am and I find myself starring at a blank page with a few incomplete sentences on it, which are just a few points I plan on covering for my journalism story. Those few sentences should have been a complete 500 word article by now but due to my lack of concentration and extreme procrastination, I'll be turning in a 'skimming the surface' paper tomorrow. I feel as if my drive for everything is gone now.

By the way, I quit drinking, even on a weekly basis. Apart from the exception of parties or events, I'll be soberly hanging out. I just feel as if I'm weighed down after every drunken afternoon/night, literally and figuratively. Plus, it brings out a side of me that I'd rather not have anyone see.

I'm need to take pictures of all my bruises, scrapes, and scars from my drunken times. I could make a huge collage with them.