IT'S SUMMER BITCHES!

Calculus 2 has probably been my greatest accomplishment up until this day, and I finished strong! :D Never have I slaved with sweat and tears over a class before. However, it was definitely worth it and I AM PROUD of myself.

I'm really going to miss studying with Alan Chow and Sara Bui. <3 They're such good friends and they've really shaped me into a better person while teaching me soooo many important things in life. They are the most kind and wholesome people ever and I <3 them!

For now, the school year is over and I'll be returning to Evergreen in a month for summer school. It was a bittersweet ending today while I was leaving the campus with Nick and Anh. What am I going to do without them in the fall?! It's okay, they'll come back from Davis often.

I'm just glad to have met all the people I've been seeing daily at tutoring center. Who knows if that place will ever be the same... from stealing stacks of fax paper to getting into the most bizzare conversations.
... till next semester...
... till next semester.

Broken Social Scene- For A Seventeen Year Old Girl

Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that
Now you're all gone, got your makeup on, and you're not coming back
Can't you come back?



Nope. I like where I am now. The old Jessica probably would have said "FUCK IT" to everything thrown her way, without consideration. However, I'm thinking things much more thoroughly now and with a VAST amount of consideration. I may have been happier back then... but I'm better off this way. I make much better decisions. :] Don't worry though, being carefree will always run in my veins.

P.s. Starting my new job at Mizu Sushi Bar&Grill as soon as I start summer in 9 days. Woohoo!

Escape Me

Most of the time, I'm just trying to escape reality.

Got the weed in the bag

I started toking at 8:15am...
ate some brownies in between
got home around 6:30
woke up just now, FML

Thats how you do it though
Happy 4/20. :]

Psychology 001

This psychology class I'm taking is really making me view everything in life differently now. I feel like I've been such a selfish person all my life. I really need to start being more compassionate towards others and start directing my life to helping others more. I'm not entirely there yet, but I'm still maturing.

I'm slipping in school and I don't know what to do. My priorities are getting out of hand. I know what the word is: PRODUCTIVITY. I need to be more productive. After I got into that fight with McCandless on Wednesday, it got me especially gloom. It's hard for me to believe in myself if others don't believe in me, so I end up not even giving a fuck. That was the first time I cried in public... since a considerably long time.

I'm not going to lie, but there has never been a dull night for the past several Thursdays-Saturdays (sometimes even Sundays). I love that my group of friends have joined forces with a couple other groups of friends. They're a blast and so SWEET. Most of all, we all share the common interest of drugs&alcohol. I absolutely love going to sleep and waking up to my friends in the morning.

I've been listening to a lot of The Smiths and She&Him lately.

I'm on ultimate BITCH MODE right now.

Alcoholism? I hope not.

I think I can honestly say that THIS was the most intoxicating weekend of my life. As in, I have never consumed this much alcohol in 3 days.

Thursday: Battlefest 360 Official Pre-Party. I hope that I will never have to attend a NON trance/electro/house club again. All of this Compton music really reminds me of a high school dance. With that, most clubs are about 1/3 the size of a gym with not enough people willing to dance. Whack. Luckily, I've got my ID and we were able to go for a beer run and walk around the city. That was my third time at the liquor store that day...

Friday: I'm off to the city again tonight because I can't turn down an offer from some unusual friends. And this was VERY random. [Zaharra+Aaron]<3 brought me to a party where I had a whole Smirnoff flask, 4 shots of Capt. Morg, and 2 shots of Skyy. From there, we went to Boi (extreme soco lover<3)'s house and took more shots. After that, we went to some other house, which I do not recall, and took a quick nap. Finally, we went to Ben Delacruz's place, hookahed, and drank until the sun came up. I finally got home at 7 that morning and I'm surprised I didn't die, let alone vomit.

Saturday: I barely wake up in time to do it all again at the Ramada hotel, a place where we've come to be very familiar with, including their precious hotel cat (literally a cat).

I always thought that I could hang, but I am completely drained. You could see it in my face.

Wild Wet Weekend

I can feel the stress building immensely already. I have to start realizing that during these years of my life, it's not suppose to be "me" time. Right now, it's study time so that I can have the best "me" time for the last half of my life. right?

Well, I have to say that I'm mostly stressed because I spent the first week "too sick to study". My fault. But, it did bring an intense weekend. :]

Thursday: I didn't nap after school and had work until closing time so I was seriously going to call off going out that night. Luckily, I didn't. I drove in the rain (barely able to see) while changing in my car (which left me driving topless without a bra for a while). I finally got to the club within 20so minutes? and took hurry shots in my car with the two Kevins. Thinking that the club was just around the corner, we ran for like 5 minutes and got soaked by the time we actually got to the club. Excitement convinced me to drop that night, and it was a longgggggg night.
"I don't usually go for guys like you."
"And what kind of guy is that?"
"A meathead.."
I didn't get home until 5:30am which gave me about 3 hours of sleep before the sun woke me up.

Fast forwarding- I wake up Saturday morning with an instant, "OH FUUUUUUUCK!" playing in my head. I blacked out at the strip club! I get out of bed stumbling and drunk. Not buzzed, drunk. I find dollar bills spread throughout my floor as I make my way to my purse, where I find a pink Crazy Horse tank top. "Nooooo! Please don't tell me they got me on stage to strip in front of all my friends and strangers!" Thank goodness, I didn't. Not too far from what I remember, I just went to sleep. Phew.

Friday: The stripclub was prettydamn awkward when I was sober. Being around a bunch of horny men popping boners does not put me in a comfortable situation. I'm just glad that Kevin enjoyed it so much. :] Plus, these unseemingly perverted men sitting next to me were handing me cash because I lost all of mine. Being a girl totally has it's perks.

P.s. I ran into my sister at Starbucks during my procrastination break. I wonder if we'll actually catch up.

I do what I want to do, bitch.

Now that winter break is coming to an end.. I can say that it had its ups and downs. There was surely a lot of me time: as in doing things that I wanted to do. From damn good partying to working at the Elephant Bar&Restaurant, from shopping EVERY SINGLE DAY (no lie) to being with good company, and from going to the gym to doing my favorite past time: COUCH-POTATO-ing IT. I'd say that I got a lot accomplished. I did what I wanted to do.

With the auspicious, there was the evils. DUIs, fights with best friends, fights with parents, paramedics and emergency rooms. In the words of a closer growing friend, "not so good."

I always have to learn the hard way

I have never experienced a feeling like this before..

There's definitely been many times that I've felt happy beyond belief, sad to the point where my heart ached, so angry that I.. that I... well I usually just keep everything contained.. but I have never felt scared my life. scared.

My mom is right, I always have to learn the hard way.

Come back home

I miss you.



I can't help but feel terribly childish about my underlying emotions. I'm living everyday in a silly, pretend fantasy that has a .00001% chance of ending happily ever after. Someday, I'm going to look back at all of this and laugh about how naive I'm being.

So even though I KNOW I'm being extremely foolish, why do I still keep trying to hold on?

When people run in circles, its a very, very mad world

Today, I was mad. Mad about everything that I've kept bottled inside without realizing it.

So I ran. Ran with the ability I never knew I had. Even though this doesn't make everything completely better, it definitely doesn't make me feel any worse than scarfing down 1500 calories of cheesecake.

Oh yes, and today, I blogged. One good change of events can definitely lead to a series of good events.